I have an Excel spreadsheet that uses VBA to set the data source to its
crap string array of pieces of a SQL statement. The pivot table crashes
when it is refreshed. Excel GPFs.

WTF!

Is there anyone out there that actually has gotten pivot tables to
reliably work in Excel!

I see people having this problem on google with no answer or resolution
and all I get out of MSDN for searching on "Excel Pivot Table Crashes"
or "Excel Pivot Table unexpectedly" is a big fraking blank.

Are there any workarounds, is there any hope, or am I just stuck with
the same old usual.

Not that I am ****ed off, but: Excel is a big piece of fraking crap.
Way to spend a $1000 on Office.

That's some quality work Microsoft. Thanks for the great upgrades.
How many upgrades will one have to do to get a working pivot table in
Excel? Is it 10 upgrades at 500 a piece? Is it 50?

Let's have a contest and see what year it will be before Microsoft gets
pivot tables that work. Hell, an Excel that actually works.

Let's see, Excel will not crash when:

a) Jesus comes back.
b) There is peace in the middle east.
c) We have a meaningful alternative to oil.
d) Toyota makes a car that genuinely sucks.
e) Government does something intelligent
f) We land a man on Mars
g) We go back to the Moon
h) There is a cure for any of Alzheimers, Paralysis, or World Hunger

Take your pick!