Creator wrote...
Ok, thanks again for indulging but I don't want any reference in the formula
to the current cell address, whether by name or otherwise. I want to use this
formula over many ranges. Is this possible? It's kinda like the cell asking
itself "=who am I?"

If you want the address of the cell in that cell's formula, then if you
use CELL("Address",..) you *MUST* put that cell's address in the CELL
call as 2nd argument. But this is *not* a problem since if cell B2
contained =CELL("Address",B2), B2 were copied and pasted into cell D7,
then the formula in cell D7 would be =CELL("Address",D7).

If your concern is manually entering such a term in formulas, then
switch to R1C1-style addressing when entering such formulas and enter
=CELL("Address",RC), then switch back to A1-style addressing
afterwards. Alternatively, if you enjoy unnecessary typing exercises,
you could use =ADDRESS(ROW(),COLUMN()).