Gary,

First of all, don't ever say that "You can't" when it comnes to Excel.
I learned a long time ago that the proper answer is "I don't know how. Yet"
Which is what prompted my initial question.
Now what I really take exception to is your statement "What I see here is a basic lack of understanding programming basics".
What gives your stuck up pompous ass the right to make any kind of judgement of someone that you don't know?
15 years ago or so I was very active in the Excel Newsgroups both asking questions and contributing.
That was back in the Ogilvy, Ken Wright, Pearson, Walkenbach, Jan Karel, Tushar (to name a few) days.
Never once did I, nor did I witness any of them or their peers make any attempt to degrade anyone that asked a question or get on their pedestals to profess how great they were (even though they were that great).
Talking down to people on the newsgroups or professing your supposed personal prowess in Excel does nothing to help anyone and someone with a thinner skin than mine might be turned off and never come back if you were the first person that he/she encountered on here.
Please keep that in mind the next time that you reply to someone.
As for my issue, I found another way around it (there's always another way)..