then get a friggin mySql box and use phpmyadmin.

it's about half as powerful as access-- but leaps and bounds more
powerful then that excel

DATABASES DO ANALYSE DATA

****NUT

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS ANALYZE DATA YOU TRENDY MARKETING DIP****.

I CAN MAKE THE SAME NUMBERS YOU CAN. FASTER.

You are a consumer.
I am a producer.

Go and play with your barbies kiddie

'while databases are really good at handling large numbers of records
and putting controls around data entry (EVERYTHING YOU DIP****S DO IN
EXCEL IS DATA ENTRY) it just can't compete when it comes to analysing
data?'

WHAT THE **** DO YOU TALK ABOUT?

YOU'RE SAYING I CAN'T THROW A COUPLE OF NUMBERS AROUND AND MAKE A
REPORT?

are you challenging me?

how about this.. you have 100 kids sitting around making the same
****ing spreadsheet week in and week out.

and i'll have 1 db developer; building reuseable reports.

i can schedule my reports to get emailed.

meanwhile; you can REWRITE your spreadsheet and EMAIL IT BY HAND.

Are you a pivotTable user? I mean.. do you know how to drag and drop
controls around and make your pretty little pivotTable reports?

Well; kiddo-- OLAP-- as in ANALYSIS SERVICES makes pivotTables about 10
times more powerful.
you can have drillDOWN, drillUP, drillTHROUGH. you can have actions

Excel-- normal excel pivotTables dont do jack **** so go and **** an
excel book for all i care.

i can 'analyse' numbers faster than you can ****ing imagine.

I mean.. have you seen olap pivotTables?

if you excel dorks would stop making spreadsheets; and started building
real database apps-- maybe us database folk could give you real tools.

EVERYWHERE I'VE EVER BEEN DATABASE PEOPLE DO 2/3 OF THE WORK WITH
1/10TH OF THE HEADCOUNT.

SO **** YOURSELF TRENDY FRATBOY.

As it is; 50% of all of the employees across america do nothing but
type **** into excel week in and week out.

i mean-- there is a better way; Access came out 12 years ago, I
believe. IBM has had databases for 30+ years.


There is no way in **** that you can hang with the numbers i throw
around. i mean.. seriously..

people like you are a disease.

people like you are why we have idiots running around building 2
GIGABYTE SPREADSHEETS. I mean.. any workbooks with more than one cell;
is -- by definition-- complex enough to warrant a database.

do you have any comprehension how many ****ed up spreadsheet problems
i've seen in my day?

they really should line you people up and ship you to siberia; because
from where im standing you idiots are betraying america. i mean..
tuh---reason.

you sit there and build the same ****ing spreadsheet week in and week
out. while these kids out in india are throwing around reports like you
woudln't believe.

I mean-- aren't you tired of building the same damn spreadsheet week in
and week out?

you are the fat, lazy assholes that are bringing about the demise of
this country.

STEP OUTSIDE YOUR CUBICLE AND GET A ****ING LIFE. LEARN SOME SKILLS AND
MAYBE YOU'LL BE WORTH $10/HOUR.

AS IT IS; YOU GUYS AREN'T WORTH MINIMUM WAGE.

EXCEL IS A DISEASE AND YOU ALL ARE LEPERS.

yeah.. and then let's have all these spreadsheet newbies learn perl and
python
****ing idiots

learn vba and get over it. start building tools instead of just
running around and patting yourself on the back every 5 minutes because
YAY I CAN CUT AND COPY AND PASTE 10 BILLION TIMES A DAY.

****ing retards.

you really and honestly should be lined up and shot. the world would
be a much better place.

i mean-- what are you contributing to your company?
what are you contributing to society?

are you fighting for the pink team; or are you going to be a database
USER when you grow up?

being able to write queries; being able to write vba... being able to
write HTML.. these are all skills that you guys skate through life
without learning.

in a perfect world; MS would just come out with a half-dozen different
certification levels for Excel.
and then maybe companies could start hiring knowledgeable people.
Maybe MS should take the MCSE model and apply it to spreadsheets; and
start prodding you cattle to actually learn something.

as it is, everyone 'knows excel'-- I know excel. I know excel well
enough that I would rather give head to a homeless man than ever hire a
spreadsheet dork.

i mean.. should you really copy the formula DOWN and copy and paste it
100 times an hour?
****ing idiots.

doesn't that give you 100 copies of the same formula; what happens when
you need to change it?

i mean seriously

WHO IN THE **** DO YOU THINK YOU ARE SIT DOWN KIDDIE AND STOP... I MEAN

SHUT THE **** UP GROW THE **** UP

your skillset is REPLACEABLE and this is war.

Eat ****; we're coming to put you out of work

spreadsheet dip****s